Quite some time ago, Lauren was dating a guy named Mike. He'd pulled more than his share of stunts during the relationship and when Lauren found out that he'd been sleeping around while simultaneously proclaiming his love only for her, she was not happy. I've already told you that she's the Queen of Redress, and here's just one more reason why she's so deserving of that title.
Lauren found out about his nefarious activities right around Valentine's Day, so for his Valentine's Day gift she decided to do something extra special for him.
She purchased a helium balloon that read, "Just because you're you," and wrote him a sweet poem. She wrapped a Victoria's Secret box beautifully with shiny ribbons and bows and attached the balloon, then taped the poem to the box. I didn't have the opportunity to see the gift firsthand, but I'm sure it looked alluring when she left it on his doorstep on February 14th. I'm also sure Mike didn't know that Lauren had filled the inside of this stunningly decorated box with the used contents of her cat's litter box.
The poem attached to the outside of the box read,
"On this St. Valentine's Day 1996
I wish to celebrate our love with fun and kicks
I haven't known you long, but I'd like to know you better.
I wish to express my feelings through a poem and a letter.
I love you from afar
and want to touch you when you're near.
I have a glorious night planned
JUST FOR YOU MY DEAR.
I searched high and low for a gift especially for you.
I didn't know what you'd like - what's a girl to do?
A man like you deserves the unusual,
A GIFT I COULDN'T BUY
So I am cordially inviting you....."
The rest of the poem lay on top of the cat droppings inside of the Victoria's Secret box. It read,
"TO EAT SH*T AND DIE!!!"
A couple of years ago, Lauren and I went to the restaurant that Mike owns with his sisters. They're still friends, believe it or not, and Mike brought up the Valentine's Day gift. He has quite a sense of humor because he still finds Lauren's creativity amusing. One of his sisters wandered over during our conversation and overheard our discussion.
She doubled over laughing. She said, "Lauren, that was the best gift ever. To this day, my sisters and I still give Mike all of his birthday and Christmas presents in Victoria's Secret boxes."
7 comments:
Wow. That is truly amazing. I can't believe I keep being surprised by Lauren and what she gets up to! Completely effing hilarious! And the fact that they're still friends and that his sisters still run with it says a lot.
perfect start to my morning.
Lisa, apparently his sisters liked her more than they liked him! I love how they carried on the tradition, LOL!
Sarah, Lauren stories are always a great start to my morning, too. I've been trying to convince her to do a stand-up routine at a comedy club. ;)
OMG, this story still makes me laugh after 11 years. I hope the world never runs out of Victoria Secret boxes.......and more importantly out of Lauren stories to entertain....
Where does this girl come up with this stuff? She is hilarious and needs her own TV show! I would love to hang out with her....who wouldn't right?
She DEFINITELY needs her own TV show.
Kelli, you'll have to help me in my quest to get Lauren to do a stand-up act. I swear, I'll make millions as her agent!
Silverstilettos and Lisa, agreed! I don't even have to embellish her stories. Her life is like an epic comedy.
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